Do Your Parents Need Help?
You go to visit Grandma and Grandpa with the kids. The kids make comments like, "I don't like their house, it smells." or "They don't have any food for us to eat." You know this but shrug it off because you know they are getting older and have less energy to get to the store or clean the house. You go to the grocery store while you are there and restock. You tidy up the house. You leave and promise yourself that you will get over there sooner than later next time. It maybe time for you to reevaluate their situation and decide if it is time to get them outside help. Of course they are resistant but read below to get ideas of how to "sneak in" some help.
Signs Your Parents May Need Help:
Our culture values independence. Children move out of their parent’s home to establish their own home and parents enjoy the freedom from their children. That lasts for a number of years. Then aging begins to take it’s toll and all of the sudden you are the meat in the sandwich – trying to take care of your own children and your parents at the same time. Because everyone has established their independence and enjoyed it they are afraid to give it up. Often the children and the parents both feel guilty. On one side because they haven’t cared enough, and the other for feeling like a burden. You can absolve the guilt for everyone by helping to ease the process. There are some ways to ease parents into receiving care. The keys are identifying when to start care, giving them control, and helping determining their needs.
Our culture values independence. Children move out of their parent’s home to establish their own home and parents enjoy the freedom from their children. That lasts for a number of years. Then aging begins to take it’s toll and all of the sudden you are the meat in the sandwich – trying to take care of your own children and your parents at the same time. Because everyone has established their independence and enjoyed it they are afraid to give it up. Often the children and the parents both feel guilty. On one side because they haven’t cared enough, and the other for feeling like a burden. You can absolve the guilt for everyone by helping to ease the process. There are some ways to ease parents into receiving care. The keys are identifying when to start care, giving them control, and helping determining their needs.
WHEN TO START CARE:
Listen to and observe your parents. Look for some of these signs and depending on the sign you may need to just start minimal care or if the signs are more significant you may need to call out the forces!!
Listen to and observe your parents. Look for some of these signs and depending on the sign you may need to just start minimal care or if the signs are more significant you may need to call out the forces!!
EARLY WARNING SIGNS:
Start by watching for the little signs. Are they stopping activities that they used to love because they can’t or don’t want to? Are they eating the same things over and over? Are they avoiding friends “because the house is not clean”
TALKING POINTS: Ask pointed about questions why are these things happening? Is it pain? Is it fatigue? ("Yes" can signal they need help, they are disguises for I can’t).
Are you, the child, too busy to go help out with this care? Are you, the child, afraid they will only let you help - not an outside person? Start the conversation. Tell them the service is a birthday gift for a month.
SOLUTION: Maybe a housekeeper on a weekly or bimonthly basis – just to get them used to having someone come into the home – they learn to get the help they need and be in control of it (the loss of control for seniors is often the biggest hurdle)
RED FLAG SIGNS:
Are they skipping meals? Is the laundry piling up? Is the house dirty? Dishes piled in the sink? Is the healthy spouse spending all his/her time caring for the less healthy spouse and the house?
Are they skipping meals? Is the laundry piling up? Is the house dirty? Dishes piled in the sink? Is the healthy spouse spending all his/her time caring for the less healthy spouse and the house?
TALKING POINTS: In this situation it is more obvious they need help.
Bring “a friend” with you for a visit and say that you’ve asked them to come help out a few times a week. (whisper to the parent that the friend needs some extra cash so they are helping them get work).
Try to make the care giver seem like an assistant, a butler, a secretary, a fellow knitter or hobbyist - an assistant that is acceptable in their world.
Bring “a friend” with you for a visit and say that you’ve asked them to come help out a few times a week. (whisper to the parent that the friend needs some extra cash so they are helping them get work).
Try to make the care giver seem like an assistant, a butler, a secretary, a fellow knitter or hobbyist - an assistant that is acceptable in their world.
SOLUTION: Have someone come in 1-2 times a week, prepare a few meals, do the dishes and laundry and tidy up the house – this allows them to stop worrying about the house and enjoy themselves or just get themselves cared for during the day – just getting dressed and ready for the day can be more of a chore than you think.
TAKE ACTION SIGNS:
Are they not eating? Are there no clean clothes? Are medications not filled or taken? Are they disheveled or not bathed? Are there unexplained injuries?
Are they not eating? Are there no clean clothes? Are medications not filled or taken? Are they disheveled or not bathed? Are there unexplained injuries?
TALKING POINTS: Begin by demonstrating yourself how some help can be effective
Point out that living in this way is not a choice but that they can have a choice about who can help them.
They can choose between in-home care and moving to a facility.
Sometimes reminding them that they are paying for the care translates into “these people are working for me not helping me.”
Point out that living in this way is not a choice but that they can have a choice about who can help them.
They can choose between in-home care and moving to a facility.
Sometimes reminding them that they are paying for the care translates into “these people are working for me not helping me.”
SOLUTION: At the very least bring in a companion every day. Make sure your parent is groomed, dressed, and fed. If he or she needs help with medications or bathing bring in a nurse or nursing assistant to help address the medical part of their care.
For more information on the level of care your parent may need, go to http://www.stonehousestaffing.com/
